The best kind of love

I have a friend who is falling in love. She honestly claims the sky is bluer. Mozart moves her to tears. She has lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl. "I am young again!" she shouts exuberantly.

As my friend raves on about her new love, I've taken agood look at my old one. My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has gained 15 pounds.Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down hospital halls. His hairline is receding and his body shows signs of long working hours and too many candy bars. Yet he can still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and I want to ask for the check and head home.

When my friend asked me "What will make this love last?" I ran through all the obvious reasons: commitment, shared interests, unselfishness, physical attraction and communication. Yet there's more. We still have fun. Spontaneous good times. Yesterday,after slipping the rubber band off the rolled newspaper, Scott flipped it playfully at me: this led to an all-out war. Last Saturday at the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who could make it to the checkout first. Even washing dishes can be a blast. We enjoy simply being together.

And there are surprises. One time I came home to find a note on the front door that led me to another note, then another, untilI reached the walk-in closet. I opened the door to find Scott holding a "pot of gold" (my cooking kettle) and the "treasure" of a gift package.
Sometimes I leave him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow. There is understanding. I understand why he must playbasketball with the guys. And he understands why, once a year, I must get away from the house, the kids - and even him - to meet my sisters for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing.

There is sharing. Not only do we share household worries and parental burdens - we also share ideas. Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel. Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read the novel on the plane. He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange ideas about thebook after I'd read it.

There is forgiveness. When I'm embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, "It's okay. It's only money."

There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with that look that tells me it's been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year old woman that had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman's husband standing beside her bed,caressing her hand. How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.

There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer's disease on her father-in-law's personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought, This is too much heartache for one week.

Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor's house. The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends.

That night, I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.

Finally, there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night; he'll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head; I'll lock us.

I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No, the sky is not bluer: it's just a familiar hue. We don't feel particularly young: we've experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories. I hope we've got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride, I had Scott's wedding band engraved with Robert Browning's line "Grow old along with me!"
We're following those instructions. "If anything is real, the heart will make it plain."

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expectyou to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever.

Annette Paxman Bowen

sweet..
God...
may me be showered with the 'bestest' kind of love
;>

"Freak-ies"

hmmm..wat else can i say other than i'm so damn busy with my school work...

so freaking stressed out..an assignment due this friday and still haven't really get down to doing it...went to tutorial this morning and receive another assignment, which is due in 2 weeks time...

another day in school...
another assignment to face...

oh, and yes, i had a great time on sunday...
though it's such a short meet up...dah lama tak pegi situ and spent time together..
but then again..tak leh selalu-selalu...
and we missed the fireworks!!
why is it tat i never get to watch it with him..
usually, and everytime, when there's fireworks display, he's not in Singapore..
but this time round, we were together..
but still din get to see it together...
maybe it's not the time yet...
eh, but we did watch one together...
tapi my family was around...
so we can't be standing in the position tat i've always dream of...
him standing behind me with his arms wrapped tight round me...
aww..so sweet..with the magnificent view above us..

dah la tu...
engrossing myself in my assignments again...

sMiLeZ

Only you in my heart

Hmm..wat does that mean? why show it to me? why tell me?
Look fren..
I'm sorry..truly am...if i say, it's not you..it's just me..Maybe u'll say tat's such a common way of turning someone down...but it really is...we've been good frens all through primary school...jus can't imagine us being together..
i've someone in my life right now...someone whom i'd want to spend the rest of my life with...
but even if u were to say 'it' before i found my someone, the outcome will still be the same dear fren..
i'm sorry..

you are a nice guy..i'm sure u'll find someone out there...
someone for you..
someone who will accept and reciprocate your love..

But watever it is dear fren, I'll always be here for u if u need anything...
And u will always be in my heart..
As a fren..

Busy, busy, busy...

Been some time since my last posting..been real busy these past few days...with school work..tuition..and going out..I've got lotsa assignments to do and haven't been sleeping well...Had only about 5-6 hours of sleep each night..well, not really night..slept after subuh and wake up usually at 11 plus and get ready for tuition...damn tired..jus now was tinking of letting one of my student go..he's a bit slow..and i really get irritated and angry each time...too playful..and worry tat i might not be able to help him imporve on his studies..he's jus too playful and lazy...really considered of letting him go...but i need the cash..yes it's tired and real hard work..especially with the work load i'm having now...but jus bear with it and everything will be fine..really hope tat kid of mine, Hilmi will improve in his studies..

I've got 2 assignments due next friday, and haven't really start writing on it...argh..will start writing it today...yes i will..after completing my 2220 prac2 tat is, which is due tis monday..


and lately, a fren of mine, hafiz has been quite different lately..not his usual self..and when i told it to him, wat i feel...he kind of said tat it's a bit annoying..well, yes i did asked him a few times..and each time he said no but i do feel tat he changed...so salah ke kalau i asked? now the way we talk isn't like last time anymore...told him, if i am annoying..fine..i won't disturb him again...it jus hurts me when he say like tat...like asking a question to a fren, out of concern is a grave sin...ok maybe he's not in the mood..or having some problems..but, sedih seh treat me like tat...hmm..


okie la..off to do my assignments now...till next time...

Stay Home Saturday

It's saturday, and i'm at home.. it's been so long since i stayed home on a Saturday..and it feels kinda funny to not go out....my dearie went to Batam with his family..and is safely there now.. hope he enjoy himself..get his mind off work for a while...he's been quite busy here these past few weeks..i hope he'll make it big one day...loads of money..all for me..haha...evil laugh..

Missed my Dearie so much..obviously he's got absolutely no idea of how much i'm missing him..always complaining tat i'm not expressing my feelings...malu kan...but hey dear..maybe u won't even read this blog...but jus so u know that i really love ya..i'm still finding for the reasons why i feel tat way...and still finding...and finding..maybe i jus do..if i say i love u coz of ur humour, then one day u might change, and so wat? i change my mind and say i dun love u? nope..so, jus know tat i love u coz i love u...though i might complain lots of time..but salah ke kalau i say things tat i dun like? rather than say something tat dun reflect my liking or feelings, or be somebody tat i'm not..and say, yes, everything's perfect..mepek kan...

I really hope our relationship will work out..he's been asking me the question..hmm..i dunno..maybe not get engage at the end of this year...or maybe yes..argh, dunno ah..so many things to consider before making tat decision..walaupun tunang je, it is a real commitment..org kata, kahwin biar sekali..but for me, bukan kahwin je, tunang pun biar sekali je...for now, jus work on the relationship..

*in a floating bubble above my head*
an image of the future on my head already..living happily in a big flat, at least a 4 room flat..with my two lovely kids and a maid..but, the maid and my kids will be sent to my parents house which is jus across the road.. dun trust maids...seen how they handle kids..let them stay with my parents and fetch them back in the evenings..hehe..oh how lovely will tat be..to come home from work to ur love ones...but read carefully hah..i did not mention who the guy figure is..*blueks*
hehe..ingat cartoon pe ade bubbles floating..

Strayed too much already...As for now, got lots of work..lots of assignment and projects due soon and my readings are pilling up..i'm like drowning in this mountain full of papers...but dun feel like doing anything now..just can't work during the day..so ive decided to go watch the movies on my lappie..got lots waiting for me to watch them...first on the list would be borat the movie...followed by jackass 2 when my bros are back..asked me to wait for him, then watch together..



guess tat's bout it for now...btw, my hands are shivering and i dun know the reason why..i'm not nervous..not hungry either...hmm...dunno why...

I'm Super Duper Happy

It's V Day today.. Din really expect much..coz i know actually we can't celebrate it..it's some christian thingy..but anyhow..like i said in my previous post, we treat it as a "Hari Peringatan Kekasih"..still haven't find a proper english word for that, so lets jus stick to the malay one..heheh..

Aniway, din expect much la..quarrel the night before..or rather debate..about how guys never understands girls.. how everything have to be planned and how boring tat will be.. i mean..ask every gal..every one of them love surprises...don't ya ladies? always dream of a guy who will give me surprises once in a while..maybe fetch me from school ke..though i always say no need, tak semestinye tat's wat i really want kan...takkan nak susahkan org lain and ask to come and fetch me..i say no need the first time, ok la if he follow..second and third time, say ok then tiba2 muncul kat skola or tuition place..wouldn't tat be sweet..oh and add a bouquet of flower too please..hehe...but not tat i dun understand..i am aware tat people are busy nowadays, so not expecting much...

Then today, or rather yesterday on V Day, after my last tuition at crescent, he called me again..this time, he was already on his way down to meet me..in a cab..at alexandra..dlm traffic jam..actually ingat nak buat perangai sikit..told him i'm going home..everytime late..always i have to wait for him...wonder why..and excuses will always come along with it..ok maybe not excuses to him, but when it's too often being done, it is excuses already mahz...but since he's already on his way, i waited...

when he came, about 5 minutes later, he was carrying a big plastic bag from kiddie palace.. but he din pass it to me..we crossed over to the bus stop..while waiting for the bus, and still nowhere in mind where to go, he passed me the things!! first was a bouquet of roses!!! pink ones... then he pass me a big wrapped present...still no clue wat was inside... then came the perlini's silver box..a bracelet!! fit me perfectly..i was blushing la...

then we decided to go to Vivo City..told him to bring the flowers for me..malu la..and i was dressed in a normal t-shirt..takkan nak bawak bunga ke sana sini... malu seh..but he refuse to bring it for me..so terpaksa la i bring it..naik bus ramai org..kat Vivo pun ramai org...but nasib baik ade ramai lagi yg bawak bunga jugak.. tak la malu sgt...then walked around..went to challenger..he wanted to look at microphones..and bought one..

had dinner at banquet..wat a romantic place dear...ate hokkien mee and char kuey tiao... lepas makan, we opened the present..another surprise..a huge teddy bear..another one to add to my collection.. i jus love cuddlies..tat's wat i term them...and a webcam, and also a C drive cleaner thingy..then the mic that he bought jus now, was actuall for me..was really really surprised la..like banyak nye he gave..and i gave him only one pathetic t-shirt only..hahah..

then he sent me home..though a short one, i really enjoyed myself just now..thanks Dearie...
and thanks for the cute little card...

Thank you so much..
u made me the happiest girl today..
I love you..
Though i dun say it often, oh well, never say it before..i do really love u...
Muacks..

V Day tmr

Here i am again, another posting in a day..hmm, din go to school but told my Dearie tat i did..why? coz i dun want to make him worry..nanti he will nag and nag..even worse than my mum..hehehe...sorry my dear...but i did got to school though for a short while jus now..for project discussion..cuma tak gi tutorial je..and now i've to write a letter "from my parents" and pass it to my lecturer...and also for another reason..tomorrow is Valentine's day, and it'll be the first one for us..actually we're not suppose to celebrate it..penat Cikgu Marnee ajar kita dulu..tat's it's wrong to celebrate it...i know la..but im not celebrating it pe..to me, i treat it as a "Hari Peringatan Kekasih".. a day where u appreciates the person loving you..thankful that he/she is there for u.. but then again... we should appreciate our partner everytime..no need to wait till special occasions then baru nak show tat u love him/her...but i am into celebrating special occasions..birthdays, anniversaries, blah blah..the mood is in the air...

oh, and so, jus now i went to Vivo City with ijam and try to find something..actually dun really plan to get anything la..sebab dah memang tak leh celebrate kan...maybe give him some excuse like im busy with school stuff, which i really am...but saw his msn display name, "loved, but unappreciated"..wat does tat mean? i dunno..then i tot belikan something je la..so show him that i do appreciate him..for always being there for me..and i really mean it.. really do...

okay, so i shall pass watever that i bought for him tmr..hope he likes it...

was looking thru my ivle jus now, and realised that i've got lots of deadlines to meet..and i haven even start planning 2 of my projects..damn...tink i rested enuf today..must work hard from now on till my exams are over...

You can do it Nisah!!!!

My 1st Posting

This is such a cliche title for first posting..but who cares..it is my first posting..hmm..am i really writing a blog? used to think that people who blog are really "merepeks"..that's wat me and diana will always say..but was in the shower and it suddenly came to me..why not create a blog for myself..so years from now, i can still read what happen to me once in my life journey.. so this is really a personal blog..perhaps i'll tell the people real close to me bout it..or maybe not..

so today, at this moment..i'm suppose to be in school attending tutorials and lecture, but here i am, writing on my very first posting..Tuesdays are my longest day in school, but i skip..haha..dunno why, but i feel damn lazy to go to school..sometimes u jus feel like staying at home and do nothing...

the past few days, took lots of photos..and i realised something..I am gaining weight..oh god..should make some time to go to the gym and work that excess fats off..guess that's about it for now..haven't really start my day..so dun really have much to say..

till next time Nisah...